Barren and Blessed

We finally have our baby boy. He's home. With us. But it's also not that simple.  Both of his birth parents signed their consents, but the first 30 days afterward is, by law, their revocation period. A time in which they can change their minds for any reason and take him back, no questions asked and no way to fight it. We prayed and prayed and prayed that this little boy would indeed be our son. So. Much. Tension.  And let me just tell you, 30 days is a looong time. I had waited 10 years to become a mom; you would think I'd have learned how to wait. There are so many more facets to patience than I realized. But once again, the Lord provided all I needed. There's always room to learn to lean on God MORE. Being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy. - Col. 1:11 Less than two weeks in, I had to face my first Mother's Day. Previously known as "the worst day of the year". I have mixed feelings abou...

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the  Lord  in the land of the living! Wait for the  Lord ; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the  Lord ! - Psalm 27:13-14 And then we waited. And waited. And waited. We got our clearances and fingerprints and physicals renewed every year. We changed different aspects of our profile a few times as we learned and understood more about the process, especially about the openness of adoption that is the current trend. We grew and changed a lot since first starting the adoption process. But we were still just waiting. And honestly it was very, very frustrating. It's difficult, and complicated, and expensive, and takes so much time. Why? Don't we always hear about the mass amounts of kids needing families? And about the opiate crisis flooding hospitals with addicted newborns that need a good home? We're a good home! Why is this taking so long?? I don't know, but it's frustrating. The average adoption wait ...

Hear my prayer, O  Lord ,      and give ear to my cry;      hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you,      a guest, like all my fathers. 13  Look away from me, that I may smile again,      before I depart and am no more! - Ps 39:12-13 Although seeing God's sovereignty and provision for me was a blessing and balm to my soul, it was not an immediate magical fix for everything. For example, Mother's Day. Oh how I hated Mother's Day. It became my least favorite holiday ever. There was just so. much. awkwardness. Often, people tried to sympathize and be helpful and sensitive to infertility. Like, oh all the women at church can take a rose on Mother's Day because you're all some "type" of mother. No. Just stop. I know most people meant well. But it bothered me because people thought they understood when they really didn't. And they usually wanted so badly to convince me that they "got it," ...