Barren and Blessed

There's a popular post that inevitably makes its rounds on social media around Mother's Day. You've probably seen it too. It usually starts with something like: "Calling ALL MOMS! Answer the questions about your first born. The one who made you a mom!" They're just fun questions all about the pregnancy and birth experience. I know it's just fun. But I think it's worth recognizing that it's not made for "all moms" despite what the intro says. I actually really dislike Mother's Day, well intentioned as the made-up holiday is. There are just so many intensely personal things surrounding the idea of motherhood that I don't see the need for universal celebration. There are so many reasons that might make Mother's Day hard. And now even as a mom, it's not worth it to me to add more "hard" to the lives of so many who struggle extra on mother's day to make it worth celebrating for myself. Motherhood is not defined ...

Now that the base story is told, it's time to move into some adoption talk. Starting with an intro to open adoption because I want everyone to know how amazing Zachary's birthmother is. It took me a long time to start sharing about our open adoption journey because sometimes it takes time to make complicated situations and relationships simple enough to share. But we're now 5 years in and I wouldn't have it any other way. Adoption stories can and will look immeasurably different for everyone. They're all hard because they're all a result of sin in the world. Some are straightforward. Some are messy. Some are tragic. Some are joyful. There's a whole spectrum of details in the relationships of open adoption. Any combination of pictures, letters, texts, phone calls, facetime, visits, direct contact, indirect contact, and more. Relationships can be anything from minimal and highly structured and guarded to babysitting and inviting each other over for family gath...

We finally have our baby boy. He's home. With us. But it's also not that simple.  Both of his birth parents signed their consents, but the first 30 days afterward is, by law, their revocation period. A time in which they can change their minds for any reason and take him back, no questions asked and no way to fight it. We prayed and prayed and prayed that this little boy would indeed be our son. So. Much. Tension.  And let me just tell you, 30 days is a looong time. I had waited 10 years to become a mom; you would think I'd have learned how to wait. There are so many more facets to patience than I realized. But once again, the Lord provided all I needed. There's always room to learn to lean on God MORE. Being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy. - Col. 1:11 Less than two weeks in, I had to face my first Mother's Day. Previously known as "the worst day of the year". I have mixed feelings abou...

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the  Lord  in the land of the living! Wait for the  Lord ; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the  Lord ! - Psalm 27:13-14 And then we waited. And waited. And waited. We got our clearances and fingerprints and physicals renewed every year. We changed different aspects of our profile a few times as we learned and understood more about the process, especially about the openness of adoption that is the current trend. We grew and changed a lot since first starting the adoption process. But we were still just waiting. And honestly it was very, very frustrating. It's difficult, and complicated, and expensive, and takes so much time. Why? Don't we always hear about the mass amounts of kids needing families? And about the opiate crisis flooding hospitals with addicted newborns that need a good home? We're a good home! Why is this taking so long?? I don't know, but it's frustrating. The average adoption wait ...

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; ...a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; ...a time to seek, and a time to lose; ...a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. ...He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-12 (selection) Time really does help. When the emotions and wounds are no longer fresh, it lends more clarity to a situation. It wasn't as difficult or painful as I thought it would be writing about our infertility struggles. But I also do want to continue to share where this journey has taken us. Because that chapter did end (in a way). The label, the experience, the struggle...

*Cue the awkward lame intro.* Hi, I'm Bethany and I am not a fancy writer; there, you have been forewarned. But to start us off I figured I'd tell you a little about myself and what I hope to accomplish with this blog. I'm a generally private, reserved person, as is my husband (although I feel like God has been working on me in this area). I'm awkward and not very good at talking to people I don't know, sometimes not even with people I do know! However, I am getting better at opening up to people as God puts more compassion on my heart for them. So, writing can be a blessing of communication in that I get a chance to see and reflect on what I'm saying rather than just blurting things out because I'm nervous. But writing is also sometimes a curse because it doesn't have the advantage of body language, inflection, and other social cues, especially since I often tend to be sarcastic and have a weird sense of humor. So, I apologize in advance if anything com...