In the Beginning

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth...Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it." - Genesis 1:1,26a, 27-28a ESV

First, just so you know a little about where this long story leads, my husband and I have now been married for almost 15 years. We spent the first 12 of them childless, and not by choice.

So now I guess I'll just start our story from the beginning...

We met as freshmen in high school and dated for 5 years before we got married right out of college at the ages of 21 and 22. He had a degree in Computer Science and I had a degree in Elementary Education. We both had cars and got jobs in our respective fields. So far so good. Go us.

Then, after the "normal" amount of time prescribed by society (about 2 years) to "figure things out and get our lives in order," we decided we were ready to become parents, to start a family of our own. Our first two years of marriage had had their rough spots of course, as we learned how to do life together. But now we were ready. So we started trying for a baby.

We bought a house (that we probably weren't quite financially ready for) because that was the last thing we thought we really needed to be fully prepared. We wanted to do everything the "right" way. Abstinence before marriage, check. Marriage, check. Members of a solid Bible believing church, check. Mentally, emotionally, and financially stable, check. House in a safe neighborhood, check. (The Bible definitely has this exact checklist. Right? No?) But we were ready to care for a baby, to be parents, to change our lives forever.

I've always liked kids and playing with babies, always wanted to be a mom. I was excited of course about the chance to feel another life growing inside me, about seeing what my husband would be like as a father, about seeing how cute a combination of our genetics would be. Likely a red-headed cutie with pale skin and hazel eyes. Of course, I was nervous about all these things too, what being a parent and pregnancy would be like and how much our lives would change. But nothing could overshadow my excitement. We wanted a GOOD thing (Gen. 1:28), so of course God would grant it to us! Right?

Over the next year as we tried to get pregnant (and nothing was happening), God began to teach me what it really means to trust him: He is sovereign and controls all things, His ways and His timing are not like ours, and He knows what is best for us and works ALL things for our spiritual good. Intellectually I knew these things of course. We're active members in a solid church that teaches reformed theology. But learning them through firsthand experience was a different matter. It was the beginning of many painful lessons. I didn't like it. I didn't understand. Yet.