Barren and Blessed

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. - 1 Pet. 5:5-6 I  remember so many times thinking: "Seriously God? This is your plan?" or "What on earth did I do to deserve this kind of trial?" or just "Why? I don't understand. Why?". Well, let me first say that I'm a slow learner. And now it sounds almost childish to my ears. But then every once in a while I'll catch myself thinking those same thoughts again. And that humbles me. In many respects I'm still that child. My sanctification isn't over. When I was in high school I said, "I would never want to be a teacher". Well, guess what I got my college degrees in and spent the first 12+ years of my adult life doing? God gifted me to be a teacher, so that's what I am and I love it. Years ago I said, ...

Hear my prayer, O  Lord ,      and give ear to my cry;      hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you,      a guest, like all my fathers. 13  Look away from me, that I may smile again,      before I depart and am no more! - Ps 39:12-13 Although seeing God's sovereignty and provision for me was a blessing and balm to my soul, it was not an immediate magical fix for everything. For example, Mother's Day. Oh how I hated Mother's Day. It became my least favorite holiday ever. There was just so. much. awkwardness. Often, people tried to sympathize and be helpful and sensitive to infertility. Like, oh all the women at church can take a rose on Mother's Day because you're all some "type" of mother. No. Just stop. I know most people meant well. But it bothered me because people thought they understood when they really didn't. And they usually wanted so badly to convince me that they "got it," ...

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:6 Since we obviously weren't the magically fertile couple I assumed we would be, after that year of trying we decided to seek a medical explanation. I underwent every infertility test known to man/woman. Some weren't so bad, some were truly horrible. H ysterosalpingogram anyone? Worst. Test. Ever. Anyway, we found out that I'm basically fine and the problem was with my husband. We were given some holistic things to try but were basically told there was next to no chance we could get pregnant on our own. And that is where my dreams really started to unravel. What do you mean we can't? Why is this so hard for us and not for anyone else? I was confused, and frustrated, and devastated. Now what? We needed to decide what direction to take from there. I felt helpless because the problem wasn't really with me and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I was frustrated because...

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth...Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it." - Genesis 1:1,26a, 27-28a ESV First, just so you know a little about where this long story leads, my husband and I have now been married for almost 15 years. We spent the first 12 of them childless, and not by choice. So now I guess I'll just start our story from the beginning... We met as freshmen in high school and dated for 5 years before we got married right out of college at the ages of 21 and 22. He had a degree in Computer Science and I had a degree in Elementary Education. We both had cars and got jobs in our respective fields. So far so good. Go us. Then, after the "normal" amount of time prescribed by society (abo...

*Cue the awkward lame intro.* Hi, I'm Bethany and I am not a fancy writer; there, you have been forewarned. But to start us off I figured I'd tell you a little about myself and what I hope to accomplish with this blog. I'm a generally private, reserved person, as is my husband (although I feel like God has been working on me in this area). I'm awkward and not very good at talking to people I don't know, sometimes not even with people I do know! However, I am getting better at opening up to people as God puts more compassion on my heart for them. So, writing can be a blessing of communication in that I get a chance to see and reflect on what I'm saying rather than just blurting things out because I'm nervous. But writing is also sometimes a curse because it doesn't have the advantage of body language, inflection, and other social cues, especially since I often tend to be sarcastic and have a weird sense of humor. So, I apologize in advance if anything com...