Weakness and Humility

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. - 1 Pet. 5:5-6

I  remember so many times thinking: "Seriously God? This is your plan?" or "What on earth did I do to deserve this kind of trial?" or just "Why? I don't understand. Why?". Well, let me first say that I'm a slow learner. And now it sounds almost childish to my ears. But then every once in a while I'll catch myself thinking those same thoughts again. And that humbles me. In many respects I'm still that child. My sanctification isn't over.

When I was in high school I said, "I would never want to be a teacher". Well, guess what I got my college degrees in and spent the first 12+ years of my adult life doing? God gifted me to be a teacher, so that's what I am and I love it. Years ago I said, "I'm glad there are people who have the heart to foster and adopt, but that could never be me. I couldn't do it." and "I couldn't love another person's child as my own". Well... here we are again. Sometimes, in the gloom, I do just have to laugh at God's apparent ironic sense of humor.

I constantly need to be reminded that my plan and my will and my earthly happiness are not the most important things. I am not the center of the universe. God's Will and His Glory are the goals. What is His Will? I can assure you it is NOT to cater to my every desire, even the good ones. And although I often act like it should be, I'm comforted to know that I can't mess it up. My often childish tantrums (because honestly at the root that's what they are) are just not that powerful. His Will for me is my sanctification. Pure and simple. And the more he sanctifies me the more glory He receives.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification. - 1 Thess. 4:3a

So I've learned never to say I won't/can't do something just because "I couldn't handle it" or it's not what I wanted/planned or because I'm afraid of what it might mean. What if I have to make *shudder* sacrifices? Yep even then. And I've also learned at least one of the reasons why he has given this particular trial to me. It's because God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. Not only am I weak, but I'm completely helpless. There's literally NOTHING I could do to make my situation what I wanted it to be. And that's ok because I can surrender to a loving omniscient omnipotent God.

At the risk of sounding prideful (not my intention), I want to humbly offer some wisdom from what I've so painstakingly gained: no, God doesn't think you can handle this. You aren't strong enough to handle all (or any) of it. But that's the point. Some of us just fight harder against admitting we are weak, and take a lot longer to admit that we need Him (ahem, 10+ years of this trial and 20 years of being a child of God here and some days I still don't get it). He does see your brokenness, and he cares and wants to mend it, but only if you let him do it His way.

Why did God choose to teach me this way? Because he loves me and knew that that's what I needed in order to learn to surrender to Him my weakness and to rely on Him for His strength. It's what I needed in order to surrender my will to His and to find joy in His Glory.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isa. 41:10

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. - Heb. 13:20-21

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