The Next Thing

When you don't know what to do, do the thing in front of you. Sometimes life is so hard you can only do the next thing. Whatever that is, just do the next thing. God will meet you there. - Elisabeth Elliot

After we got home from the trip of our second adoption match failure, we just carried on, by God's grace. We did the next thing. We prayed. We went to work. We submitted our profile for more potential adoption situations. We prayed. We cleaned and did laundry. We went on dates. We worshiped. We prayed some more. Life went on. We fixed our eyes on Christ and continued to serve God where we were. And strangely I felt mostly peace, right when I didn't think that was possible. It was a peace that surpassed all understanding.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7

And then the next thing happened. About 6 weeks after that fateful trip, it happened. We got a call from our original agency saying that another birthmother had chosen us! She was due in a little less than 2 months. And honestly, we weren't even that excited. I didn't even know if I was quite emotionally prepared yet to go through it all again. But we didn't really think ahead this time. We just did the next thing, one thing at a time.

We had a phone call with our case worker. We set up a time and place to meet with the birthmother. We carried on with normal life. We met with the birthmother and her family. And things began to change. Hope was rising. Excitement was returning. Preparations were being made. But we told no one. Not a single soul.

Perhaps you're wondering what such a meeting is like. In a word, awkward. How do you start a relationship with a stranger who also may be the mother of your child? I tried to be myself, nerves and all. I wanted her to see my vulnerability that echoed her own, but also the strength God had given me and could give her as well. I relied a lot on my husband for support and comfort, although he was just as awkward and nervous as I was. We also relied heavily on our caseworkers for help and facilitation.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:6-7

She knew basically our whole life story from our profile. So we tried to ask her light general questions, non-prying but also trying to let her know we were interested in her life and future plans and personality, not just what she might give us. The most difficult, most amazing gift any person could ever give. We went home feeling like we had run a marathon, with promises to do it a again in a few weeks.

And we did the next thing. Compassion. Connection. Relationship. We met one more time before she was due to have the baby. It was a little more relaxed that time but we were starting to get more and more nervous. Was this really going to be the time that another woman would actually hand me her baby to raise as my own? "O Lord, please. May your will be done, but oh how I pray this is your will. Let your will be mine." I prayed for strength, for me and for her. I prayed for clarity and peace. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. And we waited.

The next thing, was an early night phone call from our caseworker. "Our" birthmother was at the hospital being induced and we should prepare to come as soon as we could in the morning. There was no sleep for anyone that night. Was this finally it? "Lord, this is it, right? Carry me the rest of the way because the stress is too much for me. I put it all in Your hands."

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. - Psalm 55:22