Praise the Lord for He is Good!

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul. I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! - Psalm 66:16-20

2 days later, a text at 4:30am from our caseworker: "Zachary is here!"

We had previously been to an ultrasound appointment where we got to hear his heartbeat. His birthmother was gracious enough to allow us to name him. And now it was time to actually meet him, face to face. We had a 2 hour drive ahead of us, which was both too little and too much time. Extra excitement. Extra nerves.

I remember literally nothing from our drive to the hospital. It's a black hole that only God knows what I thought about or talked about with my husband. I imagine we prayed a whole bunch. We checked in at the nurse's station and they led us to our own room where we would stay for the next few days, Lord willing. Our caseworker was there with some last minute advice, and we just had to wait a few minutes until we got word it was ok to go in and see "our" birthmother and... our son. I still couldn't think of him like that. Too risky. I had to keep my guard up.

It was time. Walking on clouds with lead feet. Deep breaths. Tingly hands. Tight throat. Through the door. There she was, with her family, and a tiny bundle of blankets in her arms. I think I tried to smile? Was there any conversation? I don't know. Everything is fuzzy. I walked over and saw his tiny face. Tears welled up. I paused, looking at her while she started to hand him to me and said, in barely a whisper because that's all that would come out, "Are you sure?". She nodded, and he was in my arms. 4 hours old, almost 9 pounds of pudge, and perfectly healthy.

I sobbed, and held him for what seemed like a few minutes and forever, then handed him to my husband. Who promptly felt something sticky on his hand, which led to his first ever diaper change surrounded by a room full of chuckles. We stayed and chatted for a while, but she needed rest, so we wheeled Zachary down to our room and stood alone with him, in awe.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. - John 15:16

The nurses were amazing. They came in to teach us and catch us up on all we needed to know to feed him and swaddle him, and also how to handle his extreme reflux. I spent that first night in the hospital bed with Zachary in the plastic crib next to me and my husband on the pull out chair in the room. Almost as if I belonged there. There wasn't much sleep, as expected. Which led to a mini emotional breakdown for me in the morning. So much to take in, so much to worry about, so much to do, so little sleep.

Zachary's birthmother (I'll introduce you to her in a later post) was set to be discharged that next day. We all gathered in her room again to talk and pass Zachary around one more time. And then... she left. We expected it but you're never really sure until it happens. She once again put her baby in my arms, and went home with her family, leaving me with mine. I couldn't believe it. I was dumbstruck, in awe of her strength and sacrifice, her most precious gift.

One more day and night in the hospital, getting all the tests and instructions that, until that moment, I had no idea existed. We also had lots of papers to sign. But before we knew it we were putting Zachary in his car seat, ready to leave the hospital. As we were walking out I remember thinking over and over again, "Are they really just going to let me leave with this baby??"

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. - Psalm 40:1

Since I get carsick, I had to drive and my husband sat in the back of the car with Zachary. As I drove away, it hit me. They did indeed let us leave with this precious baby boy. We were taking him home. I could barely see through the tears that flooded my eyes. I could barely breathe through my racing heartbeat and hyperventilation. But I could smile, and laugh, and PRAISE THE LORD!

There was still a lot that needed to happen for him to be able to stay with us forever. A lot of prayer was still needed. But that whole 2 hour car ride and our first night at home as a family of three was a time to shout thanks and praise to God for answered prayers. It might have taken a lot longer than we wanted and certainly wasn't our original plan, but from the beginning God knew exactly what He would do. He knew what we needed. He knew exactly what Zachary and his birthmom needed. God knew everything and accomplished it in His perfect timing. All praise and thanksgiving to our powerful, sovereign God!

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. - Psalm 100:1-5

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. - Psalm 7:17